i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i believe in u and ur pee
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