I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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