he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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