Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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