i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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