I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
