I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
