So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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