you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize