if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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