are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
