Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize