At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
