Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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