I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
