i don't like sucking hair
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Two words: nipple clamps
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