or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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