SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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