she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize