Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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