i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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