Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
