Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
