God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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