I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
