i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
