I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
