Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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