I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
