That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
