Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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