i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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