Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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