the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
