Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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