Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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