Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
