He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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