so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
