Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize