ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
