one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
