i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
