Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
