i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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