I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
