It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
