dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
