i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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