Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
