Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
