Whod you bang
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
