"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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