theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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