this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
