Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Porn is love you can see.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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