No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Say something about gay babies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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