Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
