why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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