Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
