like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
