You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
