mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
