there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
