I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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