Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
