i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
