Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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