SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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