so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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