i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
