i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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