I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
